So continuing on from the original post, Being a Jerk, John Van Epp talks about the Love is Blind phenomenon. We have probably experienced this phenomenon or at least have an experience similar to what it is. The Love is Blind phenomenon is when you fall in love and then everything becomes a blur. There are two causes that Van Epp has found while working with his patients, who can probably relate to you and me.
The first thing that he says creates this phenomenon is what he calls “head knowledge.” More head knowledge is needed when there is a lack of understanding you had about your spouse before you got married. If you have ever thought, “If only I knew then what I know now…” then this is a perfect example. Van Epp has heard this countless of times from his patients who discovered they didn’t have very much head knowledge in their relationship. This lack comes from not knowing what to look for in a spouse. Maybe you didn’t know that you wanted someone who could fix things, or someone who was ready for a commitment. Society plays a big role in how we figure out who to marry, which often times is negative and not helpful.
Van Epp has found five categories of premarital predictors that would help those who are dating. These categories can be turned into great strengths that you and your spouse can strengthen together. This will be discussed more in another article.
The second idea that completes the Love is Blind phenomenon is known as, “heart knowledge.” More heart knowledge is needed when there is an overdeveloped emotional attachment. Like head knowledge there are thoughts that accompany this idea as well. If you have thought “Things will get better” or “They love me and I love them and that’s all that matters,” you fit this description. You don’t have to wish that things will get better, instead you can just work at it! Also, love is very important in a relationship however there are other things that are needed in a marriage to make it work.
Although these were created for preventative measures before marriage that does not mean that married couples cannot learn from it. If you don’t feel you know your spouse that well, ask questions. Get to know their favorite foods, colors, and hobbies. What chore do they dislike the most? What color do they not wear? My husband and I ask each other personal questions all the time. Our favorite things can change all the time but we won’t know unless we ask! You can also play the newlywed game and quiz one another! You will learn a lot!
The Love is Blind phenomenonis real. It can happen in marriage as easy as it does while dating. We are creatures of routine and once we have a rhythm we can lose balance in areas of our lives. The areas of communication, understanding your spouse, serving and other things tend to take a backseat, especially when we have other priorities. Learn more about your spouse and find your balance of emotional dependency on your spouse as well. These things will help you get out of the Love is Blind phenomenon and eventually lead you to a happier and healthier marriage.