Healthy Benefits of Sex in Marriage

We are constantly hearing that we need to eat right, exercise, and get enough sleep,  but what kind of benefits do we reap by getting intimate with our spouse?  Yes, sex in a marriage improves your health!  I have felt the benefits of love-making with my spouse throughout my marriage including some of the benefits Woman’s Day shares in “8 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex”:

  1. It May Make You Thinner
  • Sex burns between 75 and 150 calories per hour
  • It counts as exercise and is equivalent to yoga, dancing, or walking for 30 minutes
  1. It May Improve Your Heart Health
  • Researchers found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half
  • It raises heart rate and blood flow
  1. It Can Help You Get a Better Night’s Sleep
  • People who have frequent sex often report handling stress better
  • Many say they sleep more deeply and restfully after satisfying lovemaking
  1. It Can Boost Your Immune System
  • Researchers at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania found that individuals who have sex once or twice a week show 30 percent higher immunoglobulin A, which is known to boost the immune system
  • During cold and flu season wash your hands and make a bedroom date with your spouse—often!

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  1. It Can Improve Your Mental Health
  • Psychologically, sex improves one’s mental health by building intimacy and reducing stress
  • Sex reduces cortisol which lowers the chances of increased blood pressure, hyperglycemia and increased acidity in the abdomen
  1. It Can Help Relieve Pain
  • Sexual arousal and orgasm allows oxytocin to be secreted into the body which releases pain relieving endorphins
  • The next time you have a headache…sex may be the remedy you are looking for
  1. It Can Help You with Bladder Control
  • Doing Kegel exercises during sex helps strengthen the muscle associated with incontinence
  1. It May Give You Healthier Skin
  • During sex, your body produces a hormone called DHEA which can boost the immune system and give you healthier skin and decrease depression
  • Throw away that expensive face cream and increase intimacy with your spouse instead

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Making intimacy a priority in your marriage not only has health benefits but it brings you closer together in mind, body and spirit.  If you find yourself having difficulty sleeping at night or tend to get stressed easily, don’t take a Tylenol P.M., turn to your spouse for a remedy that only he or she can give you and have fun in the process!

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R.A.M. – Trust

The second dynamic to know someone in How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk by Dr. John Van Epp is Trust.

So what does it mean to trust? To me, trust means that I can rely on someone and when I say, I trust my husband, I’m saying that I can rely on him.

According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary the definition of trust is “assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.” As you get to know someone you begin to trust them and open up to them. Van Epp says, “this bar rises to denote a deeper, more positive, confident trust in your partner.” Trust is one of the most important qualities that make for a successful relationship. Without trust, you can’t rely on someone and it makes it harder to commit and harder to give physical affection.

Dr. Stephen R. Covey who wrote, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People said, “trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationship.” Dr. Stephen R. Covey is absolutely right. Trust is the foundational principle that holds relationships together. Back in high school I had a friend that I felt close to but after a few incidents of breaking my trust, it was hard for me to continue a friendship with her and I had to pull away from our relationship. Once that trust was broken, I could no longer rely on her and I knew there was no commitment.

When I met my husband at college and got to know him, I sensed a security with him and I knew I could trust him. As I got to Know him I opened up to him I learned to rely to on him which lead to a commitment which lead to us being able to be physical. Trust really is the foundational principle in a relationship and without it there is no relationship.

It’s very, very important to have trust in marriage. If you don’t have trust in a marriage, then you need to work on building it back up.

An article about trust in marriage from Focus on the Family says, “One of the most wonderful gifts of a loving marriage is the ability to trust your mate—trust that he will be true to you emotionally; trust that she does what she says she will do; trust that he is the same person on the inside that he presents on the outside; trust that she has your best interest in mind. This creates safety, security and a deeper capacity to love. Successful marriages are built on trust.”

Focus on the Family shares four ways to develop and uphold trust in your marriage.

Understand the Nature of Trust: Have a conversation with your spouse about the definition of trust and what it means to each of you.

Be Trustworthy: “You have to be trustworthy to receive trust.” Ask your spouse, in what ways have I not been trustworthy? Have an honest and open talk with each other because it may uncover areas that you need to work on to build trust.

Put an End to Deception: “Trust and truth go hand in hand. That is why deception of any sort is the biggest trust killer.” Lies of any kind or size can be very hurtful to your spouse and relationship. It’s important to be honest with each other about where you were, who you were with, what you said to them and where you spent money. Commit to each other to be honest and trustworthy, even if the truth might be painful and upsetting.

Give Change a Chance: If your spouse has broken your trust with a painful experience, don’t give up on them. Give him or her a chance to earn your trust so your marriage can be restored. To earn trust back, changes must be made whether it’s joining a support group, not hanging out with certain friends or going out to certain places. Changes must be made and when one stays true to those changes, trust can be re-earned.

What are some ways that you practice trust in your marriage?

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What is Love?

What is love? This is something that I think everybody asks themselves at some point in life. When we meet that special someone, how do we know that they are the one? It is through love that we are able to know for sure that we have found our person. Our expressions of love can be different but in the end those expressions say, “I love you.”

It is vital to never stop showing and telling our spouse that we love them. We each have our different love languages that we want to be shown on us that we are loved. We learn to rely on our partner for this reassurance that we are cared for by them and are loved by them.

Dr. Sue Johnson wrote a book titled, “ Hold Me Tight.” This book discusses her definition of love and how partners in a relationship develop an emotional attachment to one another and they learn to really on their spouse for security, guidance, and nurture.

When I met my husband for the first time I never thought that our relationship would grow as quickly as it did. I remember thinking one day about love and how I knew that I loved him. The biggest indicator for me was that he made me feel safe and secure and every time I was away from him I felt the opposite of how I felt when I was around him. My husband was the first person I had ever said, “I love you,” to so before I said it I wanted to make sure that I was really in love.

Once we got married we made it our top priority to tell each other everyday that we loved each other. We also realized that our love languages were different, but it showed us that no matter how different our love languages were, we still felt love and we still expressed it to one another. Three years later and two kids later we have become very busy and our time that we get to spend together isn’t as long as we would like it to be, but we still manage to take that little time and make sure that we know how we feel about one another. To this day I still feel that sense of security and safety around my husband and I am glad to rely on him for that emotional comfort.

Recently I came across a video on YouTube called Expressions of love. They had several couples talk about how they each express their love to one another. In the end, each couple has learned to appreciate one another for who they really are and for how they love.


“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” – Robert A. Heinlein


What’s Your Love Language? The Love Language Challenge – (Part 7)

Welcome Back! Now that we have identified our Love Languages and explored The 5 Love Languages; Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts and Physical Touch, we can wrap up this series with The Love Language Challenge!


This has been a fun series to explore; I hope you have all been able to identify yours and your spouses Love Language. If you are still struggling to know which one is highest on your list I highly recommend that you read Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. In chapter 9 he goes over some common questions and challenges with identifying your Language.

As I’ve been writing this series it has stood out to me that we need to be asking our spouse what they want and need. We also need to be communicating our own wants and needs to our significant other. EXPRESS YOURSELVES! We need to stop waiting for others to read our minds and just be honest and upfront.

 It’s also important to know that you don’t have to have the same Love Language as your spouse to have a successful marriage. You just need to learn to speak in each other’s Love Language even if it doesn’t come naturally to you. When an action doesn’t come naturally to you and you choose to do it anyways it is a greater expression of love. Gary Chapman says, “If we learn to meet each other’s deep emotional need to feel loved, and choose to do it, the love we share will be exciting beyond anything we’re ever felt.”

Now for the Love Language Challenge! Watch this short video for an explanation.

Did you get that?

Download the app for IOS or Android to your phone for free or sign up with your email address!

5 Challenges, 5 Weeks, 1 Love Story.

Each week you will complete one challenge tailored to your spouse’s love language. Every other day you will get an email or a push notification suggesting a conversation starter to help you in your Love Language journey. This challenge is a great opportunity for you to push yourself to serve your spouse and get comfortable speaking their Love Language. Try it! Comment below about your successes and questions, I can’t wait to hear from you!


Thanks for joining us in this series. I hope you have been able to apply this theory to your relationship and have been able to see some success from it! Good luck!

Tamara Nalder


Post Inspired by the book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts written by Gary D. Chapman. 


What’s Your Love Language? – Physical Touch (Part 6)

Welcome back! If you missed any of the posts in this series go back and check them out. We started with identifying our primary Love Language then we moved onto exploring the Love Languages; Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and Receiving Gift. This week we are exploring the last Love Language: Physical Touch.

It’s common knowledge that physical touch is an expression of love. Most of us will instinctively reach out to touch or hug someone who is upset. Research has shown that babies need to have physical touch to develop into healthy adults. When we are falling in love with someone we hold their hands, kiss them, and hug them.

physical-touch Continue reading “What’s Your Love Language? – Physical Touch (Part 6)”


What’s Your Love Language? – Receiving Gifts (Part 5)

Welcome back! So far we have identified our Love Language, explored Acts of Service, Quality Time and Words of Affirmation. This week we are onto Receiving Gifts.

Gift giving is part of love and marriage in most cultures. We give engagement rings and wedding bands to represent our enduring love. We give gifts at birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Mother’s/Father’s Day, graduation ceremonies and even advancements in careers. Giving a gift is a visual and tangible representation of our love and appreciation.

receivinggifts Continue reading “What’s Your Love Language? – Receiving Gifts (Part 5)”


What’s your Love Language? – Words of Affirmation (Part 4)

Welcome back! Last week we looked into the Love Language Quality Time and before that Acts of Service. If you missed identifying your primary Love Language jump back to the first post. This week we are onto Words of Affirmation!

If Words of Affirmation is your primary love language then you appreciate when love is expressed in sincere words. You appreciate when someone tells you that they love you but you appreciate the explanation of the reasons why even more. A compliment goes a long way and an unsolicited compliment is the best kind!

wordsofaffirmation Continue reading “What’s your Love Language? – Words of Affirmation (Part 4)”


What’s Your Love Language? – Quality Time (Part 3)

Welcome back! Last week we took a closer look at the Love Language Acts of Service. If you missed identifying your primary Love Language jump back to the first post, What is your Love Language?  This week we are moving onto Quality Time.

canoe-with-DanIf your love language is quality time then you feel loved when someone spends time with you AND gives you their undivided attention. It doesn’t count if you are just in the same room as your loved one, you need them to put away their phones, turn the television off and focus on you! You appreciate a quality conversation and a well planned out activity.


Continue reading “What’s Your Love Language? – Quality Time (Part 3)”